Leaving Home

The fact that I was about to be on the other side of the world for six months didn't even start to sink in until the hard good-byes came. But I got to spend a few days visiting three of my best friends (Randy, Katie, and Becca) at their schools right before I left. My time with them was exactly what I needed for more reasons than just having a ridiculously fun time and getting one last visit in with each of them. They probably didn't realize it, but God used them to reconfirm that I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing and to completely prepare my heart to go.

For a while before I left, I felt like I was supposed to develop a vision for my time in New Zealand... like I had to go with some clear-cut, fantastic mission in mind. So I asked God to give me one. He definitely did, but it's funny how simple the one He gave me is in comparison to what I would have come up with on my own.

There are two excerpts from a book I'm reading that perfectly sum up the themes I gathered from the time I spent visiting those friends. The book is a daily devotional called Jesus Calling and I read these right before I said good-bye to Randy.

As you make plans for the day, remember that it is I who orchestrate the events of your life... I may be doing something quite different from what you expected...It is essential at such times to stay in communication with Me, accepting My way as better than yours. Don't try to figure out what is happening. Simply trust Me and thank Me in advance for the good that will come out of it all. I know the plans I have for you, and they are good.

This stood out to me big time. It's an understatement to say that studying abroad is exciting and I knew there would be an endless amount of new things to see and do. Naturally, I want to take advantage of every single opportunity and every last moment while I'm away, but I can't become fixated on that.

There is nothing wrong with making plans, but I can't let my own desires get in the way of the bigger picture. I've noticed that I live in so much more freedom and confidence when I go through life with my hope and happiness set on my faith that God has eternally consequential plans for my life rather than letting my mood and attitude be controlled by whether I succeed in my own plans for each day. Plus, starting something entirely new or saying bye is a lot easier when you trust someone who says "I know how this will all turn out, and I promise it will be worth it in the end." It is so much better to trust and be thankful than to worry about anything.

The second quote I read came in response to my concern about how much I would miss everyone from home and what I would be missing out on. (Which was my only real reservation about leaving and was very heavy on my heart at the time.)

I want you to be all Mine. I am weaning you from other dependencies. Your security rests in Me alone- not in other people, not in circumstances... I am always before you, beckoning you on- one step at a time.


Let me just brag for a second and say that I have wonderful friends. I have the kind of friends Hallmark cards are written about. The ones you can go to with anything, who will always point you in the right direction, are easy to be with, and know how to have a good time. But good relationships are the easiest thing in the world to turn into a crutch. And no matter how great my relationships are, they will never be perfect.

God wants me to be entirely dependent on something that is good in an unchanging way, something that is stable and truly perfect. He wants me to rely on Him alone so that I can love and enjoy the relationships I'm in without expecting more from someone than they are able to give. I know that I would never be able to support the full weight of another human heart... but He can.

Going abroad started out as nothing more than the thought of a big adventure. But making the final arrangements became a big decision to trust and let go. I don't know what God is trying to do with me while I'm here, but this is what I want to focus on;

Trust His plan and be thankful for everything along the way.

Blogging in New Zealand

For the first time in twenty-one days, I found myself in a quiet moment alone. It happened just the other night as I stepped onto my apartment elevator on my way to hunt down a friend. The second the big, metal doors closed behind me, suddenly shutting out all the noise and commotion, I realized that my heart was just singing. And a stupid little smile formed on my face that I couldn't wipe off for the rest of the night.

But I'm not going to tell you why I was so happy. There would be no use trying to recreate my experiences from this trip in writing. That became clear to me after the very first day as I sat in front of my journal, staring blankly at the page in front of me. I was desperately trying to assign words and sentences to memories that were other-worldly, trying to sort through true sensory overload until I finally came to the conviction that it would wrong to even attempt to describe something indescribable.

It's already clear that one of the biggest challenges I will face while I'm here will be coming to terms with the fact that I cannot preserve my memories perfectly. I will never be able to communicate the beauty of this place or how much all of my new relationships mean to me. Pictures can't capture it. A journal page couldn't hold it in. I won't be able to bottle it up and sneak it through customs on my way home.

Even as I'm writing this, I'm wondering how I will ever decide what to put on this blog. There is such a wealth of possibilities that it's a daunting task. Yet at the same time, I fully understand the importance of keeping a journal. Thankfully, I've also been inspired by my new friend, Alison, who keeps her journal (a.k.a."doodle book") with her at all times. She pulls it out and artfully documents nearly every moment as it is taking place around her. I won't hold myself up to that kind of standard but I'm glad she's around to remind me how worthwhile it is to literally take note of the world around me.

Anyway, this blog will just be my way of sharing and saving pictures, lists, thoughts, stories, and anything else that may come to mind from time to time. I hope it will give you some idea of what my semester is like since it's harder to stay in touch than I expected it to be.

Now to anyone from home reading this... please, please, please e-mail me and keep me up to date about everything!